Our three-year-old daughter is a very smart, articulate, generally considerate, always cute three-year-old. With her articulateness also comes backtalk, sometimes incessant talking and demanding of attention, and vocal displeasure when the winds aren't blowing her way.
Our current modes of discipline only seem to have limited effect, so my wife and I were talking about what to do. We thought about taking away things that we knew she liked to play with, longer time-outs, etc.
Another thought was to give her five cents at the start of the day with the intention that she loses one cent each time she talks back, does something that she knows she's not supposed to do, etc. (Not unlike Yosemite Sam.) This wasn't a bad idea but I didn't think that my daughter would get the point. It seemed a little bit complicated for a three year old, and a bit like a bribe, as I'll explain.
My mother-in-law tried something similar with an older child when she visited the child and her mother. The child, who wasn't really well-behaved at all, received ten half-dollars. Each time there was backtalk he was to lose one. This worked out pretty well, actually. He only lost one the whole day, and my mother-in-law said that he was more testing her to see whether she'd actually take one away or not. I think it worked because (a) half-dollars are unusual enough that they're fun to play with, (b) it's a fair bit of money for a child, (c) how much he kept was completely within his control, and (d) he had positive reinforcement right in his hand as a reminder.
I'm not sure I'd go about it quite this way. It did seem to have its good points but I'd prefer to reward after the good behavior. That's more what life is like: you earn things, whether it's good credit, a college degree, or a paycheck. Giving a child who's known to misbehave money at the start of the day smells a bit like a bribe, even if the money can be taken back.
What do you think?
We use a "naughty chair" right out in the center of what is going on in the household. Our five-year-old sounds much the same as your 3 yr. old, and this is extremely effective. We ignore her when she is in that chair. She gets one minute for each year – i.e. – 5 minutes for 5 years, and the clock doesn't start until she is completely quiet. We generally only have to use it once a day.
Well I don't think I agree with you on this one. You do make valid points, like you earn things (good credit, a college degree, or a paycheck). At the same time, keep in mind that some things are handed to you too initially, and it's up to you to mess them up (or not).
For example, when you have no credit, you receive credit card offers. As soon as you open up a credit file, you're already way better off than the person who has bad credit. It's up to you to keep that good record.
Let's go a but further: you start your life with a clean criminal record. Whether you fill that record or not is entirely up to you.
That's why I don't see a problem in giving her the money and taking it back if she misbehaves. In my opinion, there's little difference between giving the money and taking it back, and rewarding afterwards. In both cases, you're bribing 🙂
The real question might very well be: should you be rewarding her at all? If you want to make things look like-like, make her understand that good behavior is EXPECTED, but can possibly be rewarded. Just like at your job, where good performance is expected, with the possibility (not the entitlement) of being rewarded for it.
Any thoughts?
I agree with some of what the comment above said…I've always raised my son that good behavior, manners, etc were an expectation..not something extra to be rewarded with something material. He is given a lot of positive reinforcement through compliments and hugs and knowing I am proud of him. I think rewards erally should only be given for the above and beyond stuff, not for something that is a normal expectation. 🙂
I don't think there is anything wrong with using reward as a powerful motivator for children and even adults. Both positive and negative reinforcement work well…that's sort of how life is.
My parents used to use computer and video games as a motivator for me to study when I was a child. It worked brilliantly!
We have a 3 year old daughter who is generally good most of the time, but like all 3 year olds occasionally likes to see how far she can push things. Although good behaviour is something we expect from our daughter the reality is she is only 3, so that’s not going to happen all the time. We use both positive and negative reinforcement when needed as I don’t find the same form of reinforcement works for every situation. If both forms worked equally I would rather my daughter behave to get a reward rather than behave so that she doesn’t get punished (naughty chair).
I think that I'm tending to agree that we shouldn't make a regular habit of using money as a reward. That can be a slippery slope.
My 4 year old is really a pretty good kid, but he likes to argue and whine…
We started the "Movie points" program…
50 movie points = 1 new Bob the Builder/Thomas and friends (or whatever) DVD
We used 50 pennies, as a visual aid and he loved the idea of moving the pennies from the baggie to the jar.
he gets 1 point for putting his dish in the sink WITHOUT being asked, 1 point for putting the toilet seat back down, 2 points for EXEMPLARY behavior on public outings, and w whopping 5 points for going to bed without a fuss (one of the biggest battles in our house). It works out that he can easily earn a new dvd once a week, and some of our (used to be) daily battles have all but disappeared! It's positive reinforcement mixed in with a little good old fashioned bribery, but it REALLY works for us.. 🙂